L'amour in Toronto!

So now that I've bid au revoir to my glamorous, free-spirited life in London, where do I go with this blog from here? When I started "Sex and au revoir", I was fighting an inner battle - a long and destructive battle to get over M, once thought to be the absolute love of my life. During this war-torn period, in my attempt to cast a shadow over the lingering and forlorn memories of M, I dated and f*cked as many guys as I could. Oh there was the thick one, one with excessive foreskin, one with a crooked penis, the model, and how could I forget the Turkish one who simply wouldn't go away?

Maybe this is the perfect end to a tumultuous year-long journey? I have, after all, met "the one" - Stouty. And he is, after all, moving to Toronto (in six days' time) and we'll be starting our life here together. Not only that, I've started my new job as a trainee lawyer, which means the wild and drug-induced party days of a month or two ago are long behind me. I am now a responsible adult, with several responsibilities. Should I say goodbye here and stay true to the title of this blog?

After considerable thought, I've decided to keep going. The hedonists would have lost interest in this blog a long time ago, but those of you who know about love and compassion (and about true friendship) or who are inspired by these emotions will still be able to follow me on my quest. Fulfillment doesn't just come from falling in love and finding happiness with a partner. There are so many obstacles willing to get in the way - especially in my way - whether in the context of romance, friendship, work or play. Karma and I never really patched things up, you see. It still insists on shoving a pencil in my eye when I least expect it. For example, while talking on the phone to PJ today, she tells me that M contacted her several months back, asking after me.  My initial response was "why the heck are you telling me this now?" … PJ, bless, in consideration of my feelings, hadn't known the best way to tell me. When she told me, I was in utter shock. I couldn't form the words! What exactly did he say? What else did he say? When was this? Was it April? May? How did he leave things? But that was it - he simply asked how I was doing. PJ's response was that I was well and that I'd be moving back to Toronto soon, and then he was gone - not even a goodbye (how he hasn't changed). How do I feel about it? I feel … conflicted, confused and curious. Why didn't he just ask me himself? Whatever the case, it gives me great pleasure to know that I haven't completely escaped his thoughts.

Sure, it won't be all cock and balls, but a new journey is about to unfold here in Toronto. Stouty will be here in six days … what next? Babies? Marriage? Divorce?

You'll just have to wait and see …

L'amour in Toronto!

Maple syrup with bacon

It's been a week since the "big move". Toronto feels bigger, younger and trendier than I remember. I moved into a one bedroom condo on the 20th floor. The apartment building is brand new (as are all the buildings nearby) and is five minutes from the harbour front. Everywhere you look, you'll see chic gay couples on rollerblades or bikes, bronzed legs with skin-tight shorts (butt cheeks half hanging out), and miniature dogs on leashes. I feel like I've just stepped on to the set of The Hills. This is not good for my ego. I will have to join a gym and get myself some self-tanner immediately. I will not be beaten by age and certainly not by blondes!

Speaking of blondes (of which my London friends did not consist), a special thank you to the following:

Dog, I miss you coming to me everyday to tell me how you think you're getting fired, how you've been to the gym only to consume an entire cheese cake within minutes of your workout, and how your nose moves when you laugh at other people's misfortunes. 

IT family support, you're still funny even when I can't understand you through your Irish accent. This is a great gift. I miss you and your very pretty future Mrs IT family support.

Will, I miss discussing men and their flaws with you. I miss our jokes, the back of your head, and seeing your huge smile every single day (never a sad face did I see on you).

Tweedle, my first friend at work, I miss our long talks over several bottles of wine, our endless giggles over the silliest of things, our dinner and dessert outings, and your face, I miss your face.

Thoreau (formerly known as Oxford A), in the great words of Celine, "you were my strength when I was weak; you were my voice when I couldn't speak; you were my eyes when I couldn't see; you saw the best there was in me". I couldn't have done it without you. 

Orion, you were there when my dream came true and you cried with me. I miss your calmness, your bluntness and your cheeky smile.

Foxy Toxi, you are so beautiful, inside and out. I miss everything about you. Don't worry, I will still find a way to embarrass you from over here!

Special K, I think we were sisters separated at birth. You cheap MOFO!!

Flame, you are the father I never had, the brother I've always wanted and the friend I'll never forget. 

I miss you and love you all. These few simple words of gratitude (which I should have posted sooner) can't do justice to the wonderful memories you've given me. If I find friends half as kind-hearted, witty, loving, generous, and alcohol-friendly as you, I will consider myself lucky. Thank you for being the most amazing family.

Stouty will be here in just a few weeks... now to get me into shape and a few shades darker!

Two weeks' notice

The clock has struck 12, and it's now exactly two weeks until I move back to Canada. I remember when I first started writing this blog - I was still aching over my breakup with M. Back then, a part of me clung onto the hope that we'd somehow find our way back to each other, that we'd realise our mistake and reunite  once more. Why else would we keep encountering one another? Surely, the universe had plans for us? But the rational side of me saw an adventure to be had - a year of varying prospects before I start my new career in Canada. M was never one for new and exciting experiences and he did little for my self-esteem. Independence gave me the opportunity to explore the unknown and to immerse myself in new possibilities that aroused my curiosity. And what an adventure it has been; what a ride of a lifetime.

Meeting Stouty has been the greatest blessing. I feel like I currently hold the key to love and that key unlocks the mystery to all the questions ever asked about this abstract emotion. How do I put into words? Well, the best I can do is this: it's simply unadorned happiness. Anything less would be bereft; anything more would make a mockery of love. Stouty has brought me more to life than I ever knew possible. He brings out the best in me. I'm excited for tomorrow with him, I'm excited for next week with him, but more than anything else, I'm excited for my future with him. Stouty, I love you.

Over the next two weeks, I'd like to post individual goodbyes to friends I've come to cherish and adore. You've made all the laughs, tears, drunk evenings and memorable times possible. Without you, this adventure would have been impossible. You've given me beautifully gift-boxed memories that I will carry close to my heart forever.

Two more weeks. Two more weeks. Where did the time go?

Mind boggle

I woke up this morning in a large pool of doubt. Maybe, just maybe, I should be going this alone.

An age old tale

After a long hiatus, welcome back!

The last few weeks have been an assortment of craze, filled with sweat, tears and disease.

I've just returned from a week's trip to Egypt, having gone there to shake off the stress of exams and soak in the romance with Stouty. What an exciting adventure that was. Whilst there, I battled with goats and snakes, wrestled with sea critters, turned 28, fell further in love, and contracted some sort of life-threatening skin infection (minus the life-threatening bit). We also did tea with the beduins, rode camels in the desert (fine, we rode quad bikes) against the backdrop of the sunset, and wandered the ancient tombs of pharaohs in the Valley of the Kings.

On my birthday, the last day before we were set to leave Egypt, Stouty put together the most beautiful evening - a romantic dinner on the beach. Candles lined the sand to create a pathway, leading up to and encircling our table. The moonlight and its rippling reflection in the ocean were in the background. Two musicians played Arabic music and soothed us with their melodic sounds as we ate a succulent array of seafood and sipped on bubbly. At the first sight of what Stouty had planned for me, tears fell from my eyes. They were tears of genuine happiness, of utter contentment. I understood at that very moment what it meant to be happy in love. If he had asked me to marry him, I would have said yes.

But he didn't, so for the time being, I'll just have to make do with him moving to Canada with me. Yes, Stouty is really moving to Canada with me.

I've handed in my notice at work and my last day is 15th July. After that, Stouty and I will set off west and make a new future for ourselves in Toronto (at least for the next year). As excited as I am for this big change, and as comforted as I am that Stouty will be there with me, I am sad to be leaving this life behind. I'll miss the culture, the lifestyle, the memories, but most importantly, the friends I've made. I know there are still some weeks left, but the amount of effort my friends put in to make my birthday celebrations special has brought on an early onset of sentiment. I will miss them with all my heart.

Wait, there is nothing hedonistic about my blog anymore! Has anyone else noticed this?

Would "Love and au revoir" work as a title?

Elation

Yesterday. Wow. What an amazing day. I'm still in awe! If there's such a thing as a perfect day, yesterday was it. You see, the universe decided it was Morgan Day yesterday and bestowed upon me several wonderful gifts. Set against the backdrop of it being my dear friend Flame's birthday, the day couldn't have been better. Like I said, perfect.

The flood of good news started just after lunch. As I do every lunch break, I was carrying out a routine check of my personal e-mail. I expected to find the usual, spam e-mails, a few promotional e-mails from Gap or M&S, or if I'm lucky, an e-mail from my mother telling me she's about to sue yet another person. Instead, what I see in my inbox is an e-mail with an attachment of my January exam results. With my heart pounding, my hands shaking uncontrollably, I go to download the attachment. The time it took to download seemed like an eternity. But once in full view, I see the magical word, "pass" for both subjects. Before I've even had time to compose myself, I ran over to Foxy Toxi to tell her the news. A few tears follow and the feeling of elation sets in. The fact of the matter is, I was really convinced that I'd failed them. With my new dream job riding on me passing these exams, it means the job offer still stands and I still have a chance at doing something I love. 

I shouldn't get too ahead of myself really. I still have two more exams coming up, but for the time being, I'm happy in the knowledge that I'm on the right track.

The next piece of information is confidential and (legally) I'm not allowed to reveal it until 1st of May, so I'll tell you then. All you need to know is that it's great news (for me, not you (isn't it always about me?)).

The final news came toward the end of the day. Just when I was about to shut my computer down and set off for a big night of heavy Flame celebrations, I see yet another surprising e-mail in my inbox. This time, it's from my future firm. They've finally, after almost eight months of me chasing them, sent me my employment contract. Now I have an actual start date: 8th August. I'll need to be back in Canada by this date to start my new life as a trainee lawyer (how grown up is that?!), and to generally start a new life (how scary is that?!). (Yes I know, I know, I still have to pass two exams!)

Contrary to what I said a few months ago, in this new life, I very much see Stouty there. In fact, I don't even want to imagine a new life without him. You think that's cheesy, get a load of this: I love Stouty so much, I could see a lifetime with him. (Sorry to those with a weak gag-reflex. Now go clean yourselves up.)

To sum up, yesterday was an amazing day. The future has never seemed brighter. 

Now, apologies for the delay in addressing those three bullet points from 30 March. They seem so irrelevant now and I feel like a big turd for having built them up so much. Alas, you still need the full story, so I'll give it to you, but you must excuse the (little) credit I accord each point (credit should be given only where deserved).

• Smarty, in his text, insisted that we should be together. I said no because I don't feel the same way, blah blah blah, then he cut himself off from me again (for the third time). We haven't spoken since.  
• Before the above incident, Smarty was convinced that the recent earthquake in Japan took place in Chernobyl. I corrected him (and repeatedly asked myself why I slept with him so many times). 
• Stouty threatened Anteater while on a company night out. Anteater was drunk and insisted on several chats with me. Stouty told him to back off. Anteater is so ugly (and I repeatedly asked myself why I slept with him more than once (mind, the first time didn't count because all the "skin" kept getting in the way)).  

Now, regarding Stouty's butt, this is a topic worthy of a blog entry of its own, but at the risk of not writing another entry for a couple of weeks, I'll just provide some detail now and maybe come back to it at a later date (when I can give his ass the credit it deserves). What makes Stouty's tushy so luscious? Picture two of the most perfectly formed melons. They're firm, they're a perfect fit in the palms of both hands, and they're smooth, so smooth. That's Stouty's ass. His cheeks are ridged in the right way, and they pout, boy do they pout. I could stare at his ass all day. In fact, I have a picture of it on my phone, so ... bye!

You'll never guess who

I have to be short and succinct with this entry because I still have 45 pages of my textbook to read to meet today's study quota. I just wanted to announce that a dear friend recently contacted me through facebook. How he managed to find and message me after I deleted, blocked and reported him, I have no idea (I should probably get in touch with facebook about this). Nevertheless, it was quite a "sweat" message:

"Hey Morgan, I'm really sorry for the earthquake in Japan. I hope they would recover soon. Take care..."

Oh Baklava, good ol' Baklava. I sincerely hope you find yourself a Morgan replacement soon. Otherwise, your obsession will eat you alive! 

I still intend to cover the bullet points from my last entry, especially pertaining to Smarty, who I'm no longer in touch with. I do miss him a great deal. 

I'd also like to talk to you in fine detail about...

Stouty's butt.