So now that I've bid au revoir to my glamorous, free-spirited life in London, where do I go with this blog from here? When I started "Sex and au revoir", I was fighting an inner battle - a long and destructive battle to get over M, once thought to be the absolute love of my life. During this war-torn period, in my attempt to cast a shadow over the lingering and forlorn memories of M, I dated and f*cked as many guys as I could. Oh there was the thick one, one with excessive foreskin, one with a crooked penis, the model, and how could I forget the Turkish one who simply wouldn't go away?
Maybe this is the perfect end to a tumultuous year-long journey? I have, after all, met "the one" - Stouty. And he is, after all, moving to Toronto (in six days' time) and we'll be starting our life here together. Not only that, I've started my new job as a trainee lawyer, which means the wild and drug-induced party days of a month or two ago are long behind me. I am now a responsible adult, with several responsibilities. Should I say goodbye here and stay true to the title of this blog?
After considerable thought, I've decided to keep going. The hedonists would have lost interest in this blog a long time ago, but those of you who know about love and compassion (and about true friendship) or who are inspired by these emotions will still be able to follow me on my quest. Fulfillment doesn't just come from falling in love and finding happiness with a partner. There are so many obstacles willing to get in the way - especially in my way - whether in the context of romance, friendship, work or play. Karma and I never really patched things up, you see. It still insists on shoving a pencil in my eye when I least expect it. For example, while talking on the phone to PJ today, she tells me that M contacted her several months back, asking after me. My initial response was "why the heck are you telling me this now?" … PJ, bless, in consideration of my feelings, hadn't known the best way to tell me. When she told me, I was in utter shock. I couldn't form the words! What exactly did he say? What else did he say? When was this? Was it April? May? How did he leave things? But that was it - he simply asked how I was doing. PJ's response was that I was well and that I'd be moving back to Toronto soon, and then he was gone - not even a goodbye (how he hasn't changed). How do I feel about it? I feel … conflicted, confused and curious. Why didn't he just ask me himself? Whatever the case, it gives me great pleasure to know that I haven't completely escaped his thoughts.
Sure, it won't be all cock and balls, but a new journey is about to unfold here in Toronto. Stouty will be here in six days … what next? Babies? Marriage? Divorce?
You'll just have to wait and see …
L'amour in Toronto!
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