WW, short for "wonky willy", sent me a text asking if I wanted to go out with him tonight. Apparently it's his friend's birthday party and he wants me to be his date. I haven't texted him back yet to let him know I'm not coming (I've agreed to go to a comedy club with Smarty and his friends instead). I think WW is deluded if he thinks I'll be seeing him again. He was close to being the worst sex I've ever had. He had, as his name reveals, a very bent cock, a banana shaped dick, which when erect pointed toward the earth. I guess my mistake was inviting him back to my place a couple of weeks ago when I randomly bumped into him in the City after a heavy night of drinking with my girlfriends. It had been a good six months since we last had sex and his technique (or lack thereof) still hadn't improved. He still made weird high-pitched noises when he thrusted and he still couldn't help but come within 3 minutes of starting. It's a wonder how he even managed to get his thing inside me (it was horribly misshaped after all). I have to give it to the guy though, even though I wrongly accused him of giving me Chlamydia (it was Smarty, I later find out, who gave it to me), he still wants a piece of me. I'll have to let him down gently. I'll tell him that my face is still swollen from my crash and that I don't feel like going out (which is partly true, at least the swollen part).
Thumb Ring's text was similar: he wants to meet for a drink again soon. I'm definitely not interested in Thumb Ring. He's five years older than me (I usually prefer them younger), and he's a yank. That's not to say I won't meet him again. He's minted and that means free things. He's also a pretty decent guy - on our first date, I had too much wine and was close to throwing up. Thumb Ring hailed down a cab and gave the driver £20 to take to me wherever I needed to go. Like I said, a pretty decent guy. I wonder what free things I'll get next time.
Baklava's text was a bit awkward. He works at the bar close to work and I saw him last night. I avoided making conversation with him, mainly because I don't think I'm interested in him anymore and partly because I don't understand what he's saying most of the time (he hardly speaks English). His text asked why I've been distant with him since we went out for dinner a couple of weeks ago. I haven't replied yet. He has such a pretty face (and he's 24) but we fail miserably at communicating with each other. Dinner consisted of me making "mmm" sounds at the food and getting drunk, and him desperately trying to explain to me his interests and hobbies (I think I made out that he's a fan of soccer). I would be quite happy just having sex with him, but I think his religion and general moral outlook on life prevents him from just sleeping around. I think he genuinely thinks I'll convert to Islam and move to Turkey with him. Shit, I have to figure out a good way of letting this one down.
Anteater wrote me an e-mail. He found out about my accident somehow and asked if I was ok. I didn't reply. He didn't deserve a reply. Why? Let me tell you why. After 3 months of chasing after me (and I'm talking intense chasing), I somehow fell for him (not in the mushy lovey sense, but I really started to like him). Just as soon as I conceded to his courting (which entailed me sleeping with him), he had the nerve to say he couldn't be with someone who was soon going to leave the country. So he broke it off with me (over e-mail no less). What a cheaky fu*king bastard. I was left feeling tricked into liking him and then shunned. I liked him so much I was willing to overlook the fact that he had foreskin the size of my hand (hence the name "Anteater") and a penis that stank of fish. That's why I didn't reply.
I'm looking forward to the comedy club tonight with Smarty. I'll tell you about Smarty at a later date ;)
Anteater wrote me an e-mail. He found out about my accident somehow and asked if I was ok. I didn't reply. He didn't deserve a reply. Why? Let me tell you why. After 3 months of chasing after me (and I'm talking intense chasing), I somehow fell for him (not in the mushy lovey sense, but I really started to like him). Just as soon as I conceded to his courting (which entailed me sleeping with him), he had the nerve to say he couldn't be with someone who was soon going to leave the country. So he broke it off with me (over e-mail no less). What a cheaky fu*king bastard. I was left feeling tricked into liking him and then shunned. I liked him so much I was willing to overlook the fact that he had foreskin the size of my hand (hence the name "Anteater") and a penis that stank of fish. That's why I didn't reply.
I'm looking forward to the comedy club tonight with Smarty. I'll tell you about Smarty at a later date ;)
