Isn't it ironic?

Alanis, you pose such an appropriate question to my current situation.

Yes, isn't it quite ironic that after succeeding in my attempt to distance myself from Baklava, I am now forced to contact him? I, Morgan, must text Baklava to apologise and ask for his forgiveness. I, Morgan, must consider the well-being of not just Baklava, but humanity as a whole, and get in touch with him. I, Morgan, must give Baklava the news that I most likely gave him Chlamydia.

What this means, in fact, is that I must also contact WW and Anteater to tell them that they would be wise to get tested. Poor WW, this will be the second time I've had to contact him about this very same issue (the first time around I accused him of giving me the ghastly infection, which, as it later transpired, was not the case).

The first time around, it was Smarty's fault. We both tested positive, so we took the medication and (I thought) the infection had cleared up. This time around, I have no idea, but we both tested positive again (no, you're quite right, it was neither thrush nor cystitis for Smarty). I'm thinking one of three things happened: (1) the medication failed to work for one or both of us so we've been carrying around the infection for over five months; (2) Smarty's been sleeping with other people; or (3) WW, Anteater or Baklava gave me Chlamydia and I've gone and given it to Smarty. Now, I've considered all three possibilities intimately. Point one I would like to dismiss immediately because it makes for a boring story and doesn't allow me to yell or point a disgusted finger at anyone. Points two and three are considered below.

Smarty has insisted he hasn't slept with anyone else since we started having sex and I'm inclined to believe him. He's not exactly the brightest crayon in the box, so I think I'd know if he's been sleeping with other people. Also, he was in a nine-year relationship not long before I fell from heaven and into his mundane life, so I know he's a somewhat committed individual. He told me he had sex with a few people between ending his relationship with his ex and sleeping with me. I imagine it was one of these skanky whores that gave him Chlamydia, which was then later passed on to me.

This leaves possibility number three. If this is the real scenario, then it must have been Anteater. He had a very stinky penis, and with all that foreskin, bacteria and/or viruses of all sorts are bound to get trapped. I doubt very much that it was WW. I think most girls run the other way when they see his weirdly shaped cock, preventing him from putting it to (good) use. In any case, WW and I used a condom so he couldn't have given it to me (or I to him), right? Or do I have a completely skewed interpretation of how contraceptives work?

And what of Baklava? Well, sex with him lasted all of 30 seconds. Infections can't move that fast can they? Plus, he's religious so that must mean he's clean (or "pure" as they call it in the religious community). But I guess not anymore...

Whatever the case, there's no denying the fact that I have to contact WW, Anteater, and worst of all, Baklava, to tell them they should all get their penises swabbed. Karma is such a bitch.

F*cking Smarty; what a dumb ass. I don't know why, but I felt like that needed to be said.